I think moving to Pasadena was a good choice--you had to try it! And it doesn't seem like there's any answer to achieving readership/book/film sales. Writing is definitely a vocation that requires you not to look for external validation. I think you're doing great, and you've helped a lot of people along the way.
Yes! Thank you for your kind words, Jenny. It's really about taking the long view. I've been so tired lately and feeling a sense of crushing futility but have to focus on the things I can affect rather than on the variables that are tied to luck and the machine of corporate industry.
I know you work your backside off too. And you have children to raise. You're so generous with other writers.
I agree -- the move to Pasadena was the right one. I know I say that for partially selfish reasons because I adore you and am so happy to have you as a friend, but I also say it because I think you're incredibly talented, both as a fiction writer and a screenwriter and because you are one of the hardest working writers I know.
And Jenny -- I remember your ham-and-egger essay so well! I've often assigned it to my students. What a fantastic reminder it is that being a good writer is all about keeping your head down and doing the work. In fact, I think I need to go back and read it right now.
I am SO glad you are here, Colette, and that I get to see you. And Jenny's essay is new to me - I am going to share it with students and other writers too!
Thank you! I didn't think anybody still read it because it never appeared on the Poets & Writers website. I have it loaded onto my website (which P&W allowed me to do after 3 months) but I don't think that many people wander over there. Thank you for sharing it with your students.
I actually was able to get the full text of your essay through the library at Northwestern - I cut and pasted it into a Word doc to share with my students - I love it, Jenny - so smart and moving. I've not yet seen Nights of Cabiria - I must soon!
After 50 years devoted to creative writing and film and suchlike stuff, I truly believe that measuring "success" by external markers like which publisher you had to how many tickets you sold or how much money you made is suicidally missing the point of art and life. I keep thinking about the bestselling novelist of 1913 and the big hit opera of 1851...who the hell knows or cares? Or the big-budget movies every year that don't work. Or the TV series no on watches. People work so hard on them (or hate doing them, for that check...) And even Shakespeare and Joyce and Hemingway: how relevant are they now, really? Not to say they're not great, just: who the hell made this a test?! Who made it a competition?! Do things you think are good. Show 'em to however many people will look at them. Repeat. That's all any artist can do, and I think it's so great you've done it and keep doing it.
I so agree - the work has to be its own reward - otherwise, it's best to do something else (as you know, it's not easy to make a living as an artist and anyone who is hoping for big financial rewards is likely to be disappointed. For ever huge success story, there are countless people who gave up or are working in obscurity.)
Wow. My dream is to move to California and write feature movies. I’m a few years older than you, a woman, so I guess that makes it as likely as getting hired to write on Mars. I’ve written short form humor for a while and during the pandemic I took online screenwriting classes. I fell in love with the form. I finally had a script I felt was good enough to enter into contests just this year. Like you, I spent a ton of money on entry fees. I’ve gotten some positive outcomes so far, but the major contests like Nicholls don’t announce finalists until later on in the year.
Perhaps I can write screenplays from my home in Pennsylvania. But I’ve lived on the same suburban cul-de-sac for 25 years and some days I feel desperate for a change.
I can’t decide if I should take your essay as a warning or encouragement. But I have to think anytime we go after our dream, it's never a mistake.
It's a lot of work to move and the industry is ridiculously hard to break into but living here has its perks for sure. It IS very expensive though - a lot more overhead here than what I had in Evanston. You could write from where you are and if you sell a script, move out here then? A lot of writers have done that.
What you did took a lot of courage, and I thank you for this vulnerable and honest post. I believe in you. One of my friends is an actor, and he had to take a break because of how shitty the industry is. He hasn't acted in years, which is a shame because he's immensely talented. If anyone can succeed, it's you, Christine.
If you and Adam have HBO Max and you haven't watched the series BARRY, I recommend you check it out. It's a dark comedy set in Hollywood, and the past two seasons have been especially dark. This one most of all. I do think you would appreciate the character Sally's story.
I loved the first two seasons of BARRY (with the exception of that ridiculous ep with the child assassin and its endless fight sequence). I haven't yet gotten to the second two seasons. I think Bill Hader is great - he was just on the Smartless podcast - so charming, self-effacing and interesting.
I'm sorry you didn't like "ronny/lilly." I thought that episode was great. He won a DGA for it. He's uber-talented and is one of my manyl celebrity boyfriends. My friend Katie said I have so many celebrity boyfriends that she can't keep track.
Ha! I just couldn't deal - I'm pretty weary these days when it comes to fight scenes. Which is probably why I haven't yet watched the seasons 3 & 4! But I love Bill Hader! He has such a sweetness to him that seems completely authentic.
He's a Midwesterner like us. That goes without saying. : ) Great storyteller and definitely an auteur. His dad grew-up in Rogers Park and was raised Roman Catholic. I definitely saw that influence in the latest BARRY episode though the "peace be with you" rite was sorely outdated. This final season is dark. Sarah Goldberg, the actor who plays Sally Reed, described it as a drama with some jokes.
I moved to L.A. from small town coastal Massachusetts in Jan 1990 with a soon to be ex and 8 month old baby. I had no aspirations to be in the industry, he worked in construction. Almost all of my long time friends there work in the industry. Mostly acting and writing and all have real jobs.
I really enjoyed your essay. Your struggles breaking into the industry are not unlike other stories I have heard from friends. The pandemic has made it difficult for everyone. I am back home in coastal Mass, since 2009. Sometimes I wonder why I left L.A. but I am at home where I grew up, and it's a quieter life.
Follow your heart. You followed your heart when you moved to L.A. It will lead you in the right direction. I hope to read more from you on this...
Thank you, Pamela! I will for sure be writing more about this when I can find a point of entry & also keep the tone from veering into aggrievement/outrage/excessive melancholy.
A family said to me after I got my MFA 25 years ago, "No one asked you to write. Just remember that." I.e. "It might not work out." I was both hurt and infuriated. He was right, and I knew it, but I also thought, I don't care.
I'm glad to be here - most days. And I can go home if I need to - that's a good thing to know.
May 10, 2023·edited May 10, 2023Liked by Christine Sneed
When I was working on my Creative Writing M.A. a few years ago a family member asked what I was going to do with that. I responded write and she made a face. I get it. I get all of it. We write because we must. We follow our heart into uncharted places because we must. And yes, you can always go home. When I was ready to come home, I did. It took me almost 20 years of L.A..
Yes - onward. The writing has to be its own reward. Other things, like money and continued publication, are important and what many of us also strive for, but they are elusive.
Yes, I submitted to Ploughshares for ten or so years before they accepted a story & I'd been out of grad school for 11 when I had my first book contract - after I won AWP's Grace Paley Prize for short fiction. I'd written several other books before then. I was tireless in those years.
This beautiful honest vulnerable essay brought tears to my eyes, Christine. I understand that hope toil yearning and heartbreak only too well. And I, among many, consider myself so fortunate that you moved to LA. To live the life you want to live in the face of whatever obstacle is true strength. Which is another name for real happiness. Keep making your art! Please.
You have done this exact same thing - coming here in your very early 20s, getting work and making a living! And writing too and not giving up. I think of your work ethic and generosity all the time - I am so glad to be here and know you too!
Thank you, Hannah, for these kind words. I don't regret moving here - it's been so good for my brain and eyes to have new vistas and experiences to take in. I do feel the weight of futility though; but I suppose anyone who writes or creates art has to expect this - I ain't givin' up!
You are a true ham-and-egger--the kind of writer I wrote about in an essay for Poets & Writers several years back:
https://go.gale.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA247445580&sid=googleScholar&v=2.1&it=r&linkaccess=abs&issn=08916136&p=LitRC&sw=w&userGroupName=anon%7E850c8614
I think moving to Pasadena was a good choice--you had to try it! And it doesn't seem like there's any answer to achieving readership/book/film sales. Writing is definitely a vocation that requires you not to look for external validation. I think you're doing great, and you've helped a lot of people along the way.
Yes! Thank you for your kind words, Jenny. It's really about taking the long view. I've been so tired lately and feeling a sense of crushing futility but have to focus on the things I can affect rather than on the variables that are tied to luck and the machine of corporate industry.
I know you work your backside off too. And you have children to raise. You're so generous with other writers.
I agree -- the move to Pasadena was the right one. I know I say that for partially selfish reasons because I adore you and am so happy to have you as a friend, but I also say it because I think you're incredibly talented, both as a fiction writer and a screenwriter and because you are one of the hardest working writers I know.
And Jenny -- I remember your ham-and-egger essay so well! I've often assigned it to my students. What a fantastic reminder it is that being a good writer is all about keeping your head down and doing the work. In fact, I think I need to go back and read it right now.
I am SO glad you are here, Colette, and that I get to see you. And Jenny's essay is new to me - I am going to share it with students and other writers too!
It’s really wonderful!
Thank you! I didn't think anybody still read it because it never appeared on the Poets & Writers website. I have it loaded onto my website (which P&W allowed me to do after 3 months) but I don't think that many people wander over there. Thank you for sharing it with your students.
I actually was able to get the full text of your essay through the library at Northwestern - I cut and pasted it into a Word doc to share with my students - I love it, Jenny - so smart and moving. I've not yet seen Nights of Cabiria - I must soon!
After 50 years devoted to creative writing and film and suchlike stuff, I truly believe that measuring "success" by external markers like which publisher you had to how many tickets you sold or how much money you made is suicidally missing the point of art and life. I keep thinking about the bestselling novelist of 1913 and the big hit opera of 1851...who the hell knows or cares? Or the big-budget movies every year that don't work. Or the TV series no on watches. People work so hard on them (or hate doing them, for that check...) And even Shakespeare and Joyce and Hemingway: how relevant are they now, really? Not to say they're not great, just: who the hell made this a test?! Who made it a competition?! Do things you think are good. Show 'em to however many people will look at them. Repeat. That's all any artist can do, and I think it's so great you've done it and keep doing it.
I so agree - the work has to be its own reward - otherwise, it's best to do something else (as you know, it's not easy to make a living as an artist and anyone who is hoping for big financial rewards is likely to be disappointed. For ever huge success story, there are countless people who gave up or are working in obscurity.)
Smart and funny memoir--and in light of the ongoing writers strike, your conversation with the grizzled Hollywood veteran really hits home.
Yeah - it certainly made me pause when he said that - discouraging to hear it but not surprising.
Thank you for this.
I’ve been thinking for a while about writing it and striking the right tone, no surprise, wasn’t easy!
Wow. My dream is to move to California and write feature movies. I’m a few years older than you, a woman, so I guess that makes it as likely as getting hired to write on Mars. I’ve written short form humor for a while and during the pandemic I took online screenwriting classes. I fell in love with the form. I finally had a script I felt was good enough to enter into contests just this year. Like you, I spent a ton of money on entry fees. I’ve gotten some positive outcomes so far, but the major contests like Nicholls don’t announce finalists until later on in the year.
Perhaps I can write screenplays from my home in Pennsylvania. But I’ve lived on the same suburban cul-de-sac for 25 years and some days I feel desperate for a change.
I can’t decide if I should take your essay as a warning or encouragement. But I have to think anytime we go after our dream, it's never a mistake.
It's a lot of work to move and the industry is ridiculously hard to break into but living here has its perks for sure. It IS very expensive though - a lot more overhead here than what I had in Evanston. You could write from where you are and if you sell a script, move out here then? A lot of writers have done that.
Fingers crossed! Thanks for your thoughts!
You made it happen! That is huge. Imagine if you hadn't moved and regretted it, or wondered, what if...?
I definitely agree!
What you did took a lot of courage, and I thank you for this vulnerable and honest post. I believe in you. One of my friends is an actor, and he had to take a break because of how shitty the industry is. He hasn't acted in years, which is a shame because he's immensely talented. If anyone can succeed, it's you, Christine.
If you and Adam have HBO Max and you haven't watched the series BARRY, I recommend you check it out. It's a dark comedy set in Hollywood, and the past two seasons have been especially dark. This one most of all. I do think you would appreciate the character Sally's story.
I loved the first two seasons of BARRY (with the exception of that ridiculous ep with the child assassin and its endless fight sequence). I haven't yet gotten to the second two seasons. I think Bill Hader is great - he was just on the Smartless podcast - so charming, self-effacing and interesting.
I'm sorry you didn't like "ronny/lilly." I thought that episode was great. He won a DGA for it. He's uber-talented and is one of my manyl celebrity boyfriends. My friend Katie said I have so many celebrity boyfriends that she can't keep track.
Ha! I just couldn't deal - I'm pretty weary these days when it comes to fight scenes. Which is probably why I haven't yet watched the seasons 3 & 4! But I love Bill Hader! He has such a sweetness to him that seems completely authentic.
He's a Midwesterner like us. That goes without saying. : ) Great storyteller and definitely an auteur. His dad grew-up in Rogers Park and was raised Roman Catholic. I definitely saw that influence in the latest BARRY episode though the "peace be with you" rite was sorely outdated. This final season is dark. Sarah Goldberg, the actor who plays Sally Reed, described it as a drama with some jokes.
I moved to L.A. from small town coastal Massachusetts in Jan 1990 with a soon to be ex and 8 month old baby. I had no aspirations to be in the industry, he worked in construction. Almost all of my long time friends there work in the industry. Mostly acting and writing and all have real jobs.
I really enjoyed your essay. Your struggles breaking into the industry are not unlike other stories I have heard from friends. The pandemic has made it difficult for everyone. I am back home in coastal Mass, since 2009. Sometimes I wonder why I left L.A. but I am at home where I grew up, and it's a quieter life.
Follow your heart. You followed your heart when you moved to L.A. It will lead you in the right direction. I hope to read more from you on this...
Thank you, Pamela! I will for sure be writing more about this when I can find a point of entry & also keep the tone from veering into aggrievement/outrage/excessive melancholy.
A family said to me after I got my MFA 25 years ago, "No one asked you to write. Just remember that." I.e. "It might not work out." I was both hurt and infuriated. He was right, and I knew it, but I also thought, I don't care.
I'm glad to be here - most days. And I can go home if I need to - that's a good thing to know.
When I was working on my Creative Writing M.A. a few years ago a family member asked what I was going to do with that. I responded write and she made a face. I get it. I get all of it. We write because we must. We follow our heart into uncharted places because we must. And yes, you can always go home. When I was ready to come home, I did. It took me almost 20 years of L.A..
Yes - onward. The writing has to be its own reward. Other things, like money and continued publication, are important and what many of us also strive for, but they are elusive.
Publishing has been very elusive for me. I keep trying!
Yes, I submitted to Ploughshares for ten or so years before they accepted a story & I'd been out of grad school for 11 when I had my first book contract - after I won AWP's Grace Paley Prize for short fiction. I'd written several other books before then. I was tireless in those years.
I love the honesty of this post. Thanks for writing it.
Thank you, Ann - personal essays are not my natural mode - so this has been somewhat harrowing.
You are much braver than I am.
The move felt necessary - so I didn't completely lose my mind in Illinois! But yes, it's been tough.
Sending a hug--feels like you need one.
Has not been the most hopeful time...but onward...
*waves from Chicago
HI! 😄
This beautiful honest vulnerable essay brought tears to my eyes, Christine. I understand that hope toil yearning and heartbreak only too well. And I, among many, consider myself so fortunate that you moved to LA. To live the life you want to live in the face of whatever obstacle is true strength. Which is another name for real happiness. Keep making your art! Please.
You have done this exact same thing - coming here in your very early 20s, getting work and making a living! And writing too and not giving up. I think of your work ethic and generosity all the time - I am so glad to be here and know you too!
Thank you, Hannah, for these kind words. I don't regret moving here - it's been so good for my brain and eyes to have new vistas and experiences to take in. I do feel the weight of futility though; but I suppose anyone who writes or creates art has to expect this - I ain't givin' up!