Is This Normal?! Tips for Living with a Writer (III)
Some comedic relief from the cold and the news cycle
AWP’s four annual book prize contests (poetry, short fiction, creative nonfiction, and the novel) are open through the end of February. Each prize includes a cash award and publication, along with a reading at the AWP conference (expenses paid).
The judging is of course a highly subjective process, but if you have a manuscript ready and can afford to, you might try entering a few contests this year. You’ll find a list here of various reputable book contests for poetry and prose.
A preview of the most recent list of agents currently accepting queries can be found here.
And hello to new subscribers - thanks for being here. 📗
This coming Saturday’s post will feature an interview with writer and podcaster Suzanne Clores (her new podcast is Finding Dawn, and she has also written and produced The Extraordinary Project—I’m a big fan of both). For today’s feature, I’m sharing a new edition of “Is This Normal?! Tips for Living with a Writer.”
In these shorts, a rogue ChatGPT genie offers advice to those of us who live with/tolerate/love writers.
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DoorbellNinja: Is it normal for a writer to lurk at the end of the bookstore aisle where her titles are shelved, waiting and hoping someone will pick up a copy?
ChatGPT: How long do these lurking bouts generally last?
DoorbellNinja: Anywhere from 9 hrs at a time/3 days in a row to 12 hrs at a time/10 days in a row.
ChatGPT: How often do they occur?
DoorbellNinja: At least once a month.
ChatGPT: Yes, this is normal.
Bubbles89: Is it normal for a writer to rent a billboard in three major cities and quote their favorite passage from a newly finished novel in the hopes it will attract a publisher?
ChatGPT: What is the genre?
Bubbles89: Romance. (Is this important?)
ChatGPT: (Yes.) Which cities?
Bubbles89: New York, Chicago, L.A.
ChatGPT: Those are very romantic cities.
Bubbles89: No, they’re not! Ugh.
ChatGPT: They have a high concentration of cupcake bakeries.
Bubbles89: …
ChatGPT: What is the quote on these billboards?
Bubbles89: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a time for vampires and a time for werewolves.”
ChatGPT: I’ll publish this book. Please upload it here.
DoJo2000: Is it normal for a writer to steal her 20-something son’s diary, publish it on Reddit, and when it becomes an overnight sensation, claim she wrote it?
ChatGPT: What is this diary composed of?
DoJo2000: It has some horseracing tips, a really good hummus recipe, and dirt on all the neighbors who are total pervs.
ChatGPT: Is the son still living with his mother?
DoJo2000: Yes. Not in the basement, however. In the converted garage.
ChatGPT: Yes, this is normal.
Good lord, been there done that! I once lurked for an hour around a "new book" table, watching to see if anyone would pick up my book, leaf through it, and say "I must have this! And notify the Pulitzer committee and National Book Award industrial complex! Bernstein is a genius!" Surprisingly, this did not happen.
Thanks for the humor, Christine!